Camo Condom
$1.95
via (Amazon)

With the camo condoms on the job, you can rest easy and relish in the moment as your private invades another private. They’ll never see him coming.

Don’t Ask Birthday Candles
$7.45
via (Amazon)

With your actual age shrouded in mystery, you can keep up the charade of still being in your forties, even though your wrinkly hands will betray you.

Sponsored By:
Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets.Ron Swanson
Beard Drink Cozie
$7
via (Etsy)

Give your beer a manly look to it while keeping it insulated with these beard drink cozie.

Mustache Dog Toy
$10.07
via (Amazon)

Dogs naturally pick up the ball…which leaves the outrageously funny mustache sticking out

Rubber Bullshit Stamp
$15
via (Etsy)

This custom, vintage-style wood-handled rubber stamp says “BULLSHIT”, it’s nice to use it when something doesn’t meet your expectations, or seems completely illegitimate. Highly recommended for teachers!

Thug Life Temporary Tattoo
$15
via (Amazon)

Let everyone know what a hardcore thug you are without the life long commitment of a real tattoo with these full size Thug Life temporary tattoos.

Offensive Business Cards
$14.99
via (Amazon)

Stay classy while still speaking your mind with these offensive business cards. With eight different types of insults included, you’ll have an insult for a variety of situations.

Cupcake Toothpaste
$5.96
via (Amazon)

Brushing your teeth with real frosting kind of defeats the purpose, but with this Cupcake Toothpaste you get all the fabulous flavor of frosting without another root canal!

Star Wars: The Empire Striketh Back
$8.98
via (Amazon)

Return to the star-crossed galaxy far, far away as the brooding young hero, a power-mad emperor, and their jesting droids match wits and soliloquize in elegant and impeccable iambic pentameter

Sponsored By:
I'm a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women, and breakfast food.Ron Swanson
Tattoo Coloring Book
$13.35
via (Amazon)

The tattoo designs – all specially drawn for the book – range from traditional motifs – hearts, sailors, girls, skulls, roses – to more elaborate compositions with a contemporary edge.

Whiskey Dick Lube
$9.85
via (Amazon)

Whiskey Dick whiskey-flavored lube is water-based, hand-crafted, manufactured in America, and made by–wait for it–EpicMealTime. There’s really nothing else left to say.

Solo Cup Shot Glasses
$9.22
via (Amazon)

This set of 4 red cup shot glasses is perfect for any party because they look just like the classic red party/keg cups.

Magnetic Putty
$13.28
via (Amazon)

Near a powerful magnet it comes alive! Strong enough to defy gravity, it can even lift tacks and paperclips on its own after charging in a magnetic field.

Carma Sutra Auto-Erotic Handbook
$7.99
via (Amazon)

The Carma Sutra Handbook. Unbuckle your seatbelt for this, the first-ever manual of sex positions for in-car entertainment!

Unicorn Poop Soap
$14
via (Amazon)

Smelling like shit has never been so delightful! 2014 is the Year of the Unicorn, so smell like a fecal rainbow.

Fox Tuxedo Hanger
$12
via (Amazon)

These whimsically designed animal Clothing hangers are the perfect gift for any animal lover.