Category: Home + Office

Human Face Stress Balls
$6.50
via (Amazon)

Human face stress balls are a safe and legal alternative to aggravated assault and, long-term, will reduce stress more efficiently.

Trojan Condoms Button
$4.99
via (Amazon)

Avoid late night trips to the gas station with Amazon’s new Trojan Condoms Dash Button. Safe sex is just a click away.

Sponsored By:
The government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer’s teat until they have sore, chapped nipples.Ron Swanson
Donald Trump Toilet Paper
$14.95
via (Amazon)

Dump with Trump and wipe the smirk off his face!

Pet Rock w/ Bonus Leash
$12.00
via (Amazon)

No feeding,no whining,no bathing,no stains ,no odors ,no stains ,no vet bills no problem.

Self-Watering Animal Planter
$9.99
via (Amazon)

For people who want plants, but don’t want to take care of plants. Just attach to a glass of water and they will take care of themselves, it doesn’t matter how forgetful and terrible you are!

Impaled Zombie Pen Holder
$12.97
via (Amazon)

Cast in quality designer resin and hand-painted to play up the gory flesh-eating, hues that wreck havoc with the undead

Emoji Poop Pillow
$4.99
via (Amazon)

This emoji poop pillow is too stinkin’ cute.

Don’t Fuck Up The Table Coasters
$15
via (Etsy)

“Respect the wood” – Instructions unclear… I fucked up the table.

Snail Measuring Tape
$3
via (Amazon)

They might not be fast, but they are accurate in both centimeters and inches.

Sponsored By:
Friends: one to three is sufficient.Ron Swanson
Kitty Sticky Notes
$12.83
via (Amazon)

Cute sticky notes/flags. Available as kitty cat pack, puppy dog pack, and bear pack.

Human Organ Lunchbox
$15
via (Amazon)

This insulated tote will keep your precious ham sandwich chilled, prepped, and ready to transplant right into your waiting stomach!

Greedy Pig Money Box
$12
via (Suck.UK)

This little piggy didn’t go to market… because he’s stuck in your mug! Turn everyday empty containers into you own personal piggy bank.

Dog Vomit Scented Candle
$14.99

Fill your entire home with the enchanting scent dog vomit. Collected from only the finest purebred dogs from around the world.

Coin Eating Face Bank
$14.99
via (Amazon)

This Coin Eating Face Bank is the creepiest way to teach your children financial responsibility. A built in heat sensor brings this anthropomorphic bank to life when you when your hand approaches. Warning: Do not feed it bologna while staring it directly in the eyes.

Happy Man Bottle Stopper
$5.49
via (Amazon)

Excited about cracking open that bottle of wine? Not as excited as the Happy Man Bottle Stopper! The Happy Man is really really happy. In fact so happy that he’s able to form the perfect plug to fit all normal sized wine bottles.

Rubber Bullshit Stamp
$15
via (Etsy)

This custom, vintage-style wood-handled rubber stamp says “BULLSHIT”, it’s nice to use it when something doesn’t meet your expectations, or seems completely illegitimate. Highly recommended for teachers!